guest post from kaysie: don't let the toilet seat seal your fate


It’s a tale as old as time (or as old as toilets). You climb sleepily out of bed, find your way to bathroom, jammies to your knees, an then EXPLETIVE!, you think (or yell). Your warm clean buns have plummeted into the icy waters that are your toilet bowl. Where is your safe, room-temperature ledge? Behind you, while your husband sleeps soundly.

We all know it, or have heard about it in the playful husband-wife fights or clichéd movies. But I’m here to tell you that that seat can ruin your relationship, if you let it.

No, no. You say. We are so in love. He is my best friend, my soulmate.

But at some point, you may start to harbor how pesky that one little thing is, and then it will trickle into how it’s so annoying that his little mustache hairs are always in the sink, and then it will seep into that weird habit he has, and then, before you know it, you’ve got a list of “hates” bigger than your list of “loves,” with the blissful “honeymoon” days so far behind you can’t even see ‘em.

I don’t write this to be another one of those people who believe the first year of your marriage will be the only happy one, because I don't. I have adopted it as a life goal to never think of my marriage as a chain link around my ankle, something I look at with a grumble and tell my younger peers, “Just wait, you won’t be this in love for long.” Because I don’t think that’s how something so intimate, personal, and sealed with an oath should be. I think people should strive to stay in love forever. I write it because I know, and have seen, the tiny little weeds of “real life” grow into the cracks of a 5 or 10-year marriage. And I think they usually start somewhere little, like in the bathroom.

When we first moved in together, the toilet seat spent a lot of time up. One evening, I non-threateningly said to Nick, “How much effort does it take to put it down?” And he casually said back, “It takes as much for you to put it down as it does for me to lift it.” Now, I understand that some people just have a “thing” about the toilet seat, but this was solid reasoning to me. I would rather spend those extra 5 minutes sitting with him on the couch than arguing with him from down the hall. Especially when I would remember this argument - label it and store it in the back of my mind where it would start to chip away at the admiration I have for my husband.

One of the most important things I have learned about marriage, or relationships in general, is not to mentally harvest the little things that don’t matter. I want to fill my thoughts and life with all the loving things of our time together, not our low points. I want my heart to smile when it wanders to him, not be rooted in why he isn’t as good a husband as someone else’s seems to be. These are the loves of our lives we’re talking about, so why focus on all those little ticks that make him imperfect, when you promised to love him despite them?

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I’m Kaysie, and I write a blog about whatever I want over here
Thank you Melissa, for letting me tell a little story. Best wishes sisterfriend!

14 comments

  1. Hehe I agree with your husband! I never have been bothered aboout the toilet seat thing. I feel like complaining to my man about not putting it down is silly because its not really something thats hard to do. I loved this post :) I agree that pointless arguments like that aren't worth having. If something isn't a big deal I always let it go because I don't want to waste the little time I have with my man arguing!

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    1. *claps for you* I hope we're always able to maintain this mindset

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  2. I totally forgot I would be here today!

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  3. The toilet seat and the mustache hairs make my eye twitch! Good perspective though because it is easy to fixate on those things that annoy you instead of remembering why you fell in love with them.

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  4. OH man, I can completely relate to this and it drives me crazy!!! Especially when you are getting up EVERY night to pee because you are super pregnant and your centre of balance is off, too! haha.

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    1. Okay, this may be your exception ticket ;)

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  5. at the end of the day i don't need to put it up in the first place so i shouldn't have to touch the gross seat!

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  6. I make that same argument as him. I don't get bent over the seat since really why does the guy have to make all the effort. Same goes with the TP over or under debate, really like it matters as long as he isn't leaving you with now. Right?! Perspective!

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    1. The little things. We are toilet paper over people ;)

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  7. I pretty much love this post Kaysie--I think sometimes people understimate how much letting the little things bug you could damage your relationship in the long run. Great (and funny) post!! And I love that you guest posted for Melissa today because now I'm following you!!!

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    1. Woo! The toilet seat is just the first thing that made me notice harboring the little things, so that's what I wrote about it. I know lots of women are passionate about its position, so this could really be about anything ;)

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  8. I can forgive the toilet seat. What I can't forgive is when he puts the TP on so that it goes under instead of over. That shit's a deal breaker and must be stopped! :P

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    1. I did that... he asked me to start putting it over, and I didn't care either way, so it was an easy argument to avoid lol. Train him with baby steps :)

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  9. So true! My hubs says the same thing about the toilet seat.Loved this post!

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