things are personal

I've had an interesting few days here on this blog recently, 
and since this is my personal platform for my thoughts, feelings and emotions,
I wanted to go ahead and put a few things out there.

Without naming names or pointing fingers, 
I wanted to call attention to several emails and blog comments I've received as of late
that have mentioned my negativity, unkindness and general rudeness towards those actively trying to conceive.
I want to make it very clear that when writing my blogs,
it is absolutely not my intention to sound ungrateful, hurtful or unkind towards anyone. 

I realize that falling pregnant is the happiest time in many couples' lives,
and I want to assure you that Ryan and I are incredibly thrilled to be embarking on this journey together.
I also want to make it abundantly clear that this is my blog,
and on this blog I've promised myself that I would be one hundred percent honest and true all the time.

This has been an extremely difficult first trimester,
and with my husband leaving for training, a history of body, weight and eating issues,
I'd be an outright liar if I said I wasn't struggling with some of the frank realities of pregnancy.

None of this lessens our joy or our excitement for this little one on the way.

I am fully aware that some of my rants might seem childish and insincere.
I'm also aware that there are many people who would give anything to be in our shoes right now,
and it hurts my heart deeply to know that it's so much harder for them than it was for us.

I'm not asking anyone to follow my blog. 
I'm not asking anyone to comment on my blog, or even really advertising my blog in any way.
Please know that if you are following my blog,
what you are going to read are my deepest, innermost feelings laid bare on these blank pages 
for anyone to read and criticize.

Please know that I am not asking for your pity at all
because I am well aware how incredibly blessed Ryan and I are.
However, until you've walked a mile in my shoes, please don't judge my struggles as immaturity,
or worse - simple, callous and uncaring thoughts.

If, however, you feel that my posts are immature or unkind to others,
please simply unfollow my blog.

small victories

^^^ sleep. my new favorite hobby.

I may be speaking too soon here, but barring the insane fatigue that continues to plague me,
my morning sickness seems to be lessening a little bit. 
That means I'm not feeling as sick 24/7 as I was before,
but I still have those fun food aversions as before, 
and I have a feeling those might stick with me for a little while longer. 

I've been doing a lot of reading and research lately to discover what is normal about my symptoms,
and what might or might not just be in my head.
My mother is uber-European, and she told me, sweetly, that morning sickness is an American thing.
Have I mentioned I love her a freaking lot?

But seriously...I'm just ready for this first trimester to be over already.
I know that I'll be gaining weight like crazy from the second on, 
but I figure I haven't gained anything (except bloat and water weight) yet, 
so maybe I'm on the right track.
That's been alleviating my fears about that aspect of pregnancy thus far.

I'm not looking forward to going through this alone with Ryan headed off to WOCs.
He might bear the brunt of most of my moodiness, 
but he's been a godsend, as well, and he's kept me mostly sane throughout.

I've been fighting my own psyche to get in the gym most days right now, 
simply because I feel like I got hit by a truck then run over four times...on a good day, that is.
I'm forcing myself to do my workouts earlier and earlier in the mornings, too,
because by 12 PM, my body is slowly but surely melting down, 
and by 2 PM, I could totally go to bed for the night.

We've bought one thing for the baby, and that's a crib.
The only reason we bought it is because I knew exactly what I wanted,
and Ryan, being the saint he is, gave into my pleadings and said we could buy it before the other stuff.

It now sits in a box in the garage waiting to be assembled.
In November, I'm sure.

i am a terrible blogger

I've really, really sucked at blogging over here lately.
With Ryan leaving in just a short few days for WOCs, preparing him for his trip and getting work done,
we've just been constantly on the move - especially with the long weekend.
The Army gets a four-day when there's a holiday like Memorial Day,
so we decided to take advantage of it, and we went up to Scottsdale with our friend PJ.

^^^ image via

We stayed at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess, which is amazing, but insanely expensive.
The only reason we could afford to stay there was because of the travel agent deals I get through work.
It's a three-diamond resort with four pools, a golf course, a fishing pond and pretty much everything else.

We drove up Thursday night, then we went and floated the Salt River on Friday,
and it was amazing!
The weather was perfect, the water was cold and refreshing and the sun was beautiful.
It was the perfect little getaway for us before Ryan leaves for the next 5 weeks.
We came back to Fort Huachuca on Saturday, and the next two days were spent at barbecues and get-togethers.

^^^ Amanda, myself and Dayna - Arizona Army Wives

It was funny because every single person at these parties was drunk (except for myself and the kids),
so I found myself parenting about 13 children. 
I guess you could say it was a crash-course in co-parenting? 
Regardless, it was a really fun time with great friends, and it helped Ryan to unwind before all the stress to come.

^^^ I look awkward as anything in the second picture, but the "bump" shows up as bloat 99% of the time

I haven't done bump pictures/updates lately (much to the chagrin of my mother-in-law),
simply because we were given a new due date at our last appointment,
and I wanted to be a little more up-to-date when I started them again. 
So, yesterday I was 11 weeks exactly, and I'll do a 12-week bumpdate next week :)

one step forward

Well, Ryan and I had our very first ultrasound this past Friday!
I'll admit that I was pretty freaking nervous for it, simply because I had this innate fear that something was wrong.
The ultrasound tech alleviated our fears though, 
and we got to see our little peanut on the screen for the first time ever.

Here's the tricky part though (and it's the main reason we went in for the ultrasound).
Ryan and I conceived on birth control, which makes it tricky to predict an actual due date.
Case in point? Based on the dates (last cycle, etc), I'm 11.5 weeks right now.
However, our little baby is measuring small at only 10 weeks today.
So, the ultrasound tech told us in cases like this, they go solely off the measurements of the baby.

^^^ image via

So, we basically just went back in time 1.5 weeks.
It doesn't seem like much when you think about it that way, but trust me...
with morning sickness, it feels like an eternity of extra time until the second trimester!

They've adjusted my due date to December 15th,
but the tech made sure to inform me that this could change if the baby catches up in size.
Regardless, we were just excited to actually see and get a visual (and audio) confirmation of our baby's health!
The baby has a high heart rate of 163 beats per minute, which they said is high but strong.

Also, she informed me that there is a ton of room for this little baby to grow,
as my uterus is measuring 11.5 weeks and the baby is measuring 1.5 weeks less...
he/she was all huddled in the right corner, hiding out, and it made those cramps a whole lot more understandable.
I was thrilled Ryan was able to join me this time around because he leaves in 2 weeks,
and he won't be around for any of the ultrasounds until the very end.

So, now I just wait until my next appointment on June 4th to check on baby again,
and hoping that this little nugget knows that all it has to do is grow!

summer in arizona (is hot)

It's not even the throes of summer yet here in Arizona, but it is hot, my friends.
I will never understand why Fort Huachuca doesn't open its outdoor pools until Memorial Day, as well,
because as far as I'm's been  hot since I got here in February.
Regardless, finally, the pool is opening next week,
and I fully intend to beach myself (see what I did there?) by the pool to work after my morning swim every day.

The countdown is on to Ryan's departure for WOCs now, which I'm dreading,
so we're doing our best to enjoy as much of Arizona as possible before he leaves and before I get uncomfortable.
We've been taking little evening trips to Bisbee, and we did a short hike to the Peace Wall,
which was awesome, but I can't tell you how winded I was by the end of a tiny little hike.

Other than the occasional hike outside though, most of my workouts have had to move indoors.
Once the outdoor pool is open, I'll do an early morning swim there every day,
but right now, running, biking and swimming are all indoor activities.

I found that being pregnant both dehydrates me crazy fast, and makes me lose my breath insanely fast.
When I run on a treadmill, I'm able to better hydrate myself and monitor my heart rate,
which is definitely something I've had to listen to better.
I don't have the best history of listening to my body during workouts, so this is a whole new ballgame.

There will be an exception for me this weekend though.
Ryan's company is hosting a cross-country 5K on Saturday, and seeing that I'm only 11 weeks right now,
I fully intend to get out there, support my husband and do the race.
Do I think I'll actually race? No.
Will I do my best to do a light jog the entire time? Yes.

I've also been adding in a bit more light weight training again to boost my metabolism and keep some muscle.
I've modified a bunch of the workouts, but I'm proud to see I still did tabata handstand push-ups!
That won't last long though once the second trimester rolls around.
On the days that I don't want to do a longer run, bike, or elliptical though, I've been working in these movements:

^^^ images via here, here and here

I've been reading a lot of books and articles that remind women that we're pregnant, not powerless,
and I freaking love that.
Yes, I'm giving up my body for this baby for the duration of this pregnancy,
but I have a say in it, as well, and I can remain as healthy as I want to be.
I think that that knowledge is what will help me get through this pregnancy healthily and happily :)

11-week bumpdate

^^^ as stated on instagram, Ryan and I are on the fence about whether that's bloat, a food baby or baby baby

How far along: 11 weeks - though I measured small at my OB appointment last week, so I'll have an ultrasound this Friday to know for sure. 

Gender: We're not finding out!

Weight gain: My weight's been fluctuating depending on whether or not this baby is making me constipated. However, when everything is running *ahem* smoothly, I haven't gained anything. 

Maternity clothes: None. I do, however, live in yoga pants and my lululemon shorts these days. 

Stretch marks: No. I've started taking preemptive measures though, and rather than buying expensive creams, I've done some research and I'm using pure coconut oil around my belly, back and thighs. It's especially great in the dry Arizona weather.

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: Sleeping is getting better! I'm always tired, but I'm trying to make sure I'm in bed by 9 every night so I get a full 9 hours of sleep before work. I still get up 2-3 times to pee though.

Best moment this week: The best moment was meeting my OB last week. He's great, and despite my reservations about having a man that's not my husband all up in my lady bits, he really put me at ease. 

Miss anything: Sushi. I would give my left leg for a good spicy salmon roll right about now. I'm also really missing my excessive coffee drinking. I think that my headaches are, in large part, because of my caffeine reduction.

Movement: Nope.

Cravings: Nectarines. They're like crack to me, and they're only a million times better if I put nutella on them. They are divine. 

Food aversions: Steak, chicken, bacon, eggs - pretty much all poultry right now, really. Also, I can't do peppers. We went to Chipotle this past weekend for burrito bowls, and it ended really badly. I slept in the guest room. 

Looking forward to: I'm looking forward to the ultrasound this Friday! I can't believe it's the first time we'll get to see our nugget! I'm also really looking forward to the second trimester. I can't wait to feel human again.

slowly but surely

Ugh. Yet again, I disappeared from this blog. 
I swear it really hasn't been my intention to abandon it, but life has been getting in the way.
Ryan is leaving for WOCs in three short weeks, which is insane to think about.
It feels like it was just yesterday that we were still 8 months out.
Now, we're in crunch time though, getting all his new boots, trainers, ACUs...all of it...ready in time.

Plus, Baby Moore has had a mind of its own lately. 
Just when I say I'm feeling better, this little nugget likes to throw me a curveball 
and change what I can and cannot eat again.
I'm looking forward to having the ultrasound this Friday to finding out exactly how far along we are.

I didn't really expect much on Mother's Day yesterday besides calling our mothers
and letting them know how amazing they are,
but Ryan decided to prove that he's the best husband ever...and I love him for it!

^^^ preggie drops and the world's sweetest card ever

Ryan went to Tucson without me on Saturday to get some stuff for WOCs and to get a massage,
so I stayed at home and sulked about feeling crappy all day.
Little did I know that my husband braved the mall AND a maternity store in Tucson just to get me the anti-nausea drops. 
They've been a lifesaver, and I ran out, but I was too lazy to buy them online,
so he went and got them for me.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.
Then, he proceeded to melt my heart with a card for my very first Mother's Day, and I bawled like an infant.
Ladies, I have a winner on my hands.
Ryan is officially the best husband ever :)

a trip to the OB

So, fun fact...I was supposed to have my first consult with my actual OB on Monday, right? 
Yeah, it didn't happen, guys.
I am very quickly learning that Tricare is absolutely horrendous, 
and while it has its perks (like not paying $2900 for an initial screening during the visit),
you definitely have to deal with their utter incompetence to take advantage of said perks. 

^^^ image via

Well, once they figured out the problem with their referral and got their heads out of their butts,
I was finally able to have my visit yesterday!
I'm so excited I chose the OB I did because he is really wonderful.
No woman wants a man all up in her business, but if it has to happen, it's better it's a great doctor.

I had 8 vials of blood drawn for disease screenings, drug tests, a full exam,
and though I was hoping to hear a heartbeat, apparently I have to wait a month with this OB to do that.

My OB did notice during the exam that my uterus (sorry, things I should never mention on the blog)
is measuring pretty small for 10 weeks,
so despite the usual 14-week appointment being the one where you see/hear the baby,
my OB has requested a limited ultrasound consult to see if I really am 10 weeks along, 
which, like I mentioned, could be wrong because we were on birth control when we conceived.

He didn't appear to be too alarmed - just said I was measuring closer to 8 weeks, which can happen.
I haven't gained any weight, which I'm thrilled about,
and I'm looking forward to knowing an actual due date later next week when we have the ultrasound!

I think that maybe...just maybe...I'm falling in love with the idea of being a mother :)

10- week bumpdate

I missed week 9 last week, frankly because I felt like butt. I was in full-on self-pity mode about not feeling well, wanting to eat and really just wanting to feel human again. Right around Friday though, my wish came true! My nausea has been gone since then (knock on wood), and I've been able to function and actually shower and look like a normal person again...a normal, very bloated person. ;)

How far along: 10 weeks

Gender: We're not finding out!

Weight gain: I don't know, really. If I go by what the scale says this morning, 1.5 lbs, but I've also hit that very uncomfortable erm...constipated stage. Too much information, I know, but pregnancy isn't always all that pretty. 

Maternity clothes: None. I just feel bloated these days, so I just live in yoga pants for the most part. 

Stretch marks: No

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: Sleep has been great! I'm still getting up 3-4 times per night to use the bathroom, but when I'm asleep, I'm dead to the world. 

Best moment this week: I'm heading to the OB for our 10-week checkup today. This will be the first my first time meeting him, so I'm equal parts nervous and excited. ALSO - my super sonic sense of smell is gone! I can finally love on Ryan again! 

Miss anything: Does pooing count? I know you don't want to know that though, so I think  I really just miss losing weight because I was on such a roll. I'll feel better when my body starts settling into actually growing a human mode in the second trimester...I think. 

Movement: Nope.

Cravings: Actually, nothing really. I had cravings for pizza and tuna last week. The last 4 days or so though, I've just felt normal - bloated, but normal. I guess maybe milk sometimes?

Food aversions: Eggs are really the only  thing I still can't do. It's something about the consistency and the smell. 

Looking forward to: I'm looking forward to not being constipated. No, really. But seriously, I'm looking forward to that, and I'm looking forward to having a bump, rather than just gas :)

back in the game

As I'm sure you've all noticed, I've been crazy mopey and feeling sorry for myself the past few weeks.
However, I seem to have hit a little turnaround yesterday and today. 
I have a bit more energy, my headaches are fewer and farther apart, and the heartburn is gone.
I'm still exhausted by 2 PM every day, 
but I'm just taking the time to listen to my body, eat what I need to eat and keep moving.

Yesterday I got in 2.5 miles on the treadmill, 
and even though my super-sonic smelling abilities make the gym difficult, it felt so good.
I've also started to get some more nutrients in me.
I ate an epic bowl of fruit, plus a strawberry smoothie with some extra greens in it, too.
Hey, progress is progress right now, folks.

Sleeping is still pretty horrible, really. 
When I'm actually asleep, I sleep like the dead,
but I'm usually up 4-5 times a night now to pee…even though half the time I don't even really have to go.
I just feel like it for some reason.

I've also got these weird phantom pains that Ryan says make me whimper in my sleep.
I wake up with horrible cramps sometimes, and then I panic, of course, until I manage to fall back asleep.

Right now, I'm just working to find a little more balance in my life and to just embrace this crazy life.
It's not what we'd planned, but it's happening, and we're so excited for this nugget.
I will say, the scale is still terrifying me though.
I was up about a half pound today, and I almost had a mental breakdown.
I know I'm crazy bloated, too, so that has an effect on it, as well.

Mostly, I just need to keep reminding myself that it is okay to gain weight for the sake of this child.
I just need to do it the right way, listen to my body and let God do the rest.