this season

No, my friends, I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. I'm still here, trucking away. I've been thinking about what to blog this past week or so, and I felt like a lot of what I wanted to post was a half-truth or a partial hypocrisy. That sounds worse than it actually is, but I figured this evening, what the heck? It's my blog, I'm just going to go ahead and post about this season.

This season of my life feels very trying right now. I have the most fantastic family. I have the sweetest baby boy and a perfect little bean that's half-baked and growing so well. And yet, I've been struggling a lot lately with my changing body. As you might remember, I worked really hard after having Spencer to lose the weight and feel better about myself again. I was getting there, and I felt amazing. I knew that I would have to gain, but watching the pounds pack back on again has been harder than I thought.

Now, I'm not ungrateful at all. I'm gaining weight for the most important reason of all. I'm growing a life, and I know it's going to be so worth it! But that doesn't diminish the feelings of inadequacy creeping back in, and putting bigger clothes on daily has been a struggle. To be honest, not even my gym clothes fit well anymore at 20+ weeks…and that, plus the fact that running is getting harder and harder has been a major hit to my psyche.

And yet, I'm grateful, too. I know that this season is fleeting, and I need to enjoy it for what it is. I think that, as a mother, I haven't quite learned the selflessness that some mothers have yet. Perhaps it comes with time, but for now, I'm just working to learn to love myself - no matter what size at this point. This season won't last forever, and I'm going to work hard to enjoy it for what it is.


  1. I know it must be hard watching your body change constantly. But I heard that if you were in good shape before your pregnancy it will be so much easier to get back to it after! Hang in there

  2. Girl you got this!! I struggled through the changes of my body incredibly so through the first time and I'm sure if we ever have a second I will through the second, but you're right you're growing a beautiful life in there. And you will get back to that shape again! Just keep being active and that's the best you can do!

    liz @ j for joiner

  3. I remember that struggle when I was pregnant with Natalie. I remember crying in the closet every morning because nothing fit the way it once did and I had a hard time balancing knowing that I was growing for a good reason vs missing my body. It was even worse after I delivered. Hang in there mama, we all go through it. And those who say they don't are lying :)

  4. HI there - I just stumbled on your blog and was going through some old posts of yours and YES this is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant with my third and while I did enjoy pregnancy, 2 months postpartum I'm SOOOO anxious to get back at it and feel good again. Thanks for posting about this and sharing your own thoughts - as sometimes it can feel so isolating!!!