this season


No, my friends, I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. I'm still here, trucking away. I've been thinking about what to blog this past week or so, and I felt like a lot of what I wanted to post was a half-truth or a partial hypocrisy. That sounds worse than it actually is, but I figured this evening, what the heck? It's my blog, I'm just going to go ahead and post about this season.

This season of my life feels very trying right now. I have the most fantastic family. I have the sweetest baby boy and a perfect little bean that's half-baked and growing so well. And yet, I've been struggling a lot lately with my changing body. As you might remember, I worked really hard after having Spencer to lose the weight and feel better about myself again. I was getting there, and I felt amazing. I knew that I would have to gain, but watching the pounds pack back on again has been harder than I thought.

Now, I'm not ungrateful at all. I'm gaining weight for the most important reason of all. I'm growing a life, and I know it's going to be so worth it! But that doesn't diminish the feelings of inadequacy creeping back in, and putting bigger clothes on daily has been a struggle. To be honest, not even my gym clothes fit well anymore at 20+ weeks…and that, plus the fact that running is getting harder and harder has been a major hit to my psyche.

And yet, I'm grateful, too. I know that this season is fleeting, and I need to enjoy it for what it is. I think that, as a mother, I haven't quite learned the selflessness that some mothers have yet. Perhaps it comes with time, but for now, I'm just working to learn to love myself - no matter what size at this point. This season won't last forever, and I'm going to work hard to enjoy it for what it is.

4 comments

  1. I know it must be hard watching your body change constantly. But I heard that if you were in good shape before your pregnancy it will be so much easier to get back to it after! Hang in there

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  2. Girl you got this!! I struggled through the changes of my body incredibly so through the first time and I'm sure if we ever have a second I will through the second, but you're right you're growing a beautiful life in there. And you will get back to that shape again! Just keep being active and that's the best you can do!

    liz @ j for joiner

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  3. I remember that struggle when I was pregnant with Natalie. I remember crying in the closet every morning because nothing fit the way it once did and I had a hard time balancing knowing that I was growing for a good reason vs missing my body. It was even worse after I delivered. Hang in there mama, we all go through it. And those who say they don't are lying :)

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  4. HI there - I just stumbled on your blog and was going through some old posts of yours and YES this is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant with my third and while I did enjoy pregnancy, 2 months postpartum I'm SOOOO anxious to get back at it and feel good again. Thanks for posting about this and sharing your own thoughts - as sometimes it can feel so isolating!!!

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