guest post from taylor: marriage & relationship advice from the pros

Hey Y’all!

I’m so excited to be guest posting for Melissa while she is off getting married and spending precious time with her new husband! 

 My name is Taylor Rae. You can find me over at Taylored and Turquoise where I blog about life as a newlywed, DIY projects I attempt, and recipes I try to make taste good.

 photo 0420_zps15fa497a.jpg

I’ve been been married to my husband for a whole six months {you can read all about our wedding here}. I’m still very much learning when it comes to marriage and relationships in general really; obviously we aren’t the pros. While we were engaged, we went through premarital counseling twice, once with our pastor/uncle and once with our church. I think the husband {James} thought it was a little excessive at the time, but now we are both so thankful for all we learned about marriage, relationships, and each other! I just wanted to share a few things that really stood out to us and have really made an impact in our marriage. We, by no means do all of the things perfectly, but I like to think we are improving and learning along the way 🙂 

1. Fight Fair

Confession: I’m not good at this! While my husband is calm when we fight, I yell or shut down. Thankfully, James is a good forgiver {see #4} and has taught me a lot about fighting over the past 6 months. Things to remember: yelling doesn’t help, stay focused on the topic at hand, and keep it respectful. I know for me I need a cool off period before I can talk about something that has really aggravated me. We have agreed that I can have that as long as I come back and talk about it within 24 hours. Talk about it and find out what works for you and your relationship.

2. Make Goals

I’ve always been a goal setter, so this one makes sense to me! Make long-term, short-term, serious, and fun goals! Setting goals helps you figure out what is important to both of you and allows you to plan for fun things in the future. Make goals on your anniversary and revisit them every few months to see how you’re doing.

3. Don’t Talk Bad About Your Significant Other

Our 2-to-1 counselors shared this one with us and although I had never given it much thought before, it made a lot of sense. They told us a story of how her friends would always comment on what a great guy her husband was because she never said anything bad about him. Not only did it make him feel good when he heard about that, but it made her feel good too! I want to be that kind of wife! I get it, sometimes you just want to vent; however, while it may seem innocent it’s not really helping anything. Not only can it start to change how you see your significant other, but it can start to change how your friends see him/her too. I want to build my husband up when I’m with him and when I’m not. I want him to feel encouraged by me and by the things that I say. I can’t do that when I’m complaining about him and what he does or doesn’t do.

4. Be Good Forgivers

James and I agree that this was the best advice we got along the way. Good relationships are made up of two good forgivers. Let’s be really honest, forgiveness is hard and, frankly, sometimes I just don’t want to! We’re all human. We all make mistakes, and we all seek forgiveness. I have peace knowing that my husband is a good forgiver because I’m not perfect and sometimes I screw up. He deserves the same from me. Plus, relationships are much more fun when you spend time forgiving rather than fighting.

5. Have Fun and Keep Dating!

No matter how long you’ve been together make sure you continue to date and get to know your significant other. Plan adventures, date nights, and trips. They don’t have to be extravagant or expensive; sometimes it’s fun to have a picnic in your living room or an all day movie marathon. Just make sure to keep having fun and never stop learning about each other!

Thanks for letting me take over your blog today Melissa! I can’t wait to hear all about the wedding and the honeymoon! Congrats!!