Since having Spencer almost 3 months ago (how has it gone by so fast?!), Ryan and I have been working hard to establish a routine. It has definitely not been easy though. Having a baby, PCSing across the country, buying a house and somehow learning to establish this routine has been trying, tiring and, at times, frustrating. I’ve noticed that my anxiety has actually been through the roof lately, which I’m sure is a product of all the insane changes happening all at once.
Through it all, Ryan’s been a rock, reassuring me however he possibly can that things will get better, but I swear that my anxiety has made me almost overlook his words and even doubt them at times. I’ve taken our relationship with a grain of salt, just trying to get through the day at times, and that’s never how I want to be in our marriage or our life together. These precious moments with our firstborn are flying, and the trivialities will pass, but there are constants, and I want to focus more on that.
I read an article the other night that said we should live purposefully, and it really resonated with me. I know that I need to do this, and I know I need to work on so many things…Never take a moment for granted. Live in the moment. Love fully. Make your words have meaning behind them. Appreciate what you have over what you think you might need or want. Accept the challenges with grace and humility. Honor and love my husband, and make an effort to validate his efforts sincerely, rather than simply focus on my own challenges.
We spent our first year of marriage in near-blissful ignorance of the enormity of the challenge that lay ahead of us. Reality hit hard though, but it also hit so powerfully, beautifully and wonderfully. God never gives us more than we can handle, and He gave me a man with whom I can share these burdens and challenges. I need to remember that in moments of weakness and trials.
And so, this marks day one of living a more purposeful life. I never want to say the words “I love you” without having true meaning behind them. I want to make certain my husband knows how very much I appreciate how hard he works and put his challenges ahead of mine when necessary. I want my son to know that, yes, I work a full time job at home, but his well-being and happiness is always at the forefront of my mind. We’re also working to make time for ourselves – something easily overlooked but so very important. Whether it’s an hour at the gym, a moment at the hairdresser or a fleeting instant in the shower, we both need to honor and appreciate those times.
Parenting is a steep but incredible learning curve. I feel as though I’ll be learning my whole life, but I’m so blessed to learn with such a wonderful man. I’m going to work every single day to be truly worthy of this challenge.
