“You blink, and in an instant, they’re grown.”
So many people told me this before Spencer was born. So many people reiterated this in the weeks of sleep deprivation and that hollow, aching hole of delirium that followed. And yet, I wished those sleepless nights away. There have been times at 2 AM when our sweet babe just wanted to nurse or be rocked that I’ve missed the comfort of my thick blankets and wondered at the days that seem so long ago when Ryan and I could simply take a nap at 2 PM…just because.
Those days have long since passed. I miss them a lot; I won’t lie. But I realized something this morning. When the alarm rings early, or my son’s cries wake me up, it really isn’t a burden. It’s a real, true and beautiful blessing.
In just over 100 days, this little man’s sweet heart and joyful spirit has completely transformed us – and me. I wasn’t a selfish person before, but I can honestly say that motherhood has made me more selfless. The Bible tells us that we must daily die to self, or give ourselves fully until His service. I find a lot of parallels in motherhood, even if that sounds like blasphemy. To give my son the love he needs, I come second. I can put my daily trivialities like running in a prioritized place on certain days, but Spencer’s needs come before my own.
I remember my mother taking us shopping many times when we were little. We’d go in with the intention of her buying a new shirt or pants for her wardrobe, and we’d leave with new things for my sisters and I instead. She gave, and gave and gave. And when she probably felt as though she had nothing left to give, she gave some more. Even though I’m exhausted 100% of the time these days, I would walk through hell and back for my son.
Motherhood isn’t a job. It’s a transformation. And as I watch my son coo and use his little voice, I find myself transformed over and over again every single day.