I swear I struggle with this on a daily basis. Ryan and I are blessed to be a two-income household. I have an amazing job for World Travel Holdings that affords me the opportunity to keep working from home – wherever that may be. Living in a life owned by the Army, this is an incomparable opportunity, and I’m never, ever ungrateful for that. Since having Spencer though, working from home has been hard.
Frankly, I didn’t think it would be that hard. My job as a writer is usually pretty flexible. And, when Spencer was first born, it wasn’t that hard. He slept a lot, didn’t need to be entertained, and it was pretty simple to put him down and get some work done.
These days, however, he’s much more active. He plays in his exersaucer, he barely wants to lie on his playmat, and he prefers to stand (while being held) above anything else. This, however, leaves little time for actually getting work done. Our babysitter is with us 4 hours a day now, but even with that, I struggle. And, to be honest, I really struggle with mom guilt, too.
I know that I’m doing the best thing for our family by keeping my job, and I really do love my job. It’s been amazing being able to continue working full time. That said, I feel so immensely guilty much of the time for having to turn on a screen and turn away from my son in favor of a device. That might sound silly, but I can tell that he recognizes me now, and I know that whether he knows it or not…I’m leaving the room or checking out.
Mom guilt is insane, people. Insane.
It causes me to question myself pretty much all the time. Is he sleeping enough? Is he pooping enough? Does he feel stimulated/loved/warm/happy enough? In reality, yes, he probably does on all accounts. In my head though, I’m abandoning my son in favor of a virtual stranger when I need to dedicate myself to my work.
Fellow working mommas…does this ever get to you, too?
