this season

No, my friends, I haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth. I’m still here, trucking away. I’ve been thinking about what to blog this past week or so, and I felt like a lot of what I wanted to post was a half-truth or a partial hypocrisy. That sounds worse than it actually is, but I figured this evening, what the heck? It’s my blog, I’m just going to go ahead and post about this season.

This season of my life feels very trying right now. I have the most fantastic family. I have the sweetest baby boy and a perfect little bean that’s half-baked and growing so well. And yet, I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my changing body. As you might remember, I worked really hard after having Spencer to lose the weight and feel better about myself again. I was getting there, and I felt amazing. I knew that I would have to gain, but watching the pounds pack back on again has been harder than I thought.

Now, I’m not ungrateful at all. I’m gaining weight for the most important reason of all. I’m growing a life, and I know it’s going to be so worth it! But that doesn’t diminish the feelings of inadequacy creeping back in, and putting bigger clothes on daily has been a struggle. To be honest, not even my gym clothes fit well anymore at 20+ weeks…and that, plus the fact that running is getting harder and harder has been a major hit to my psyche.

And yet, I’m grateful, too. I know that this season is fleeting, and I need to enjoy it for what it is. I think that, as a mother, I haven’t quite learned the selflessness that some mothers have yet. Perhaps it comes with time, but for now, I’m just working to learn to love myself – no matter what size at this point. This season won’t last forever, and I’m going to work hard to enjoy it for what it is.