sh*t spencer says: volume 4

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone so much for their sweet words and well-wishes on my last post. Any deployment or tumultuous time in the military life is hard, but having an incredible support system and community of friends makes everything easier and more manageable. You know what else makes things just that little bit better? Preschoolers. Guys, I’ve been writing these posts for a while now, and I’m so glad that I have. For four years now, Spencer Bruce has been dazzling us with his wit, ridiculous charm and, at times, ridiculous logic. While we work through these first days and weeks alone, listening to his rationale regarding everything from pizza to giving birth makes each day better. So, without further ado, I share with you the fourth volume of Sh*t Spencer Says:

// While enjoying a rare sunny day on the beach in Westport, Washington: “Stop following me, sun! Mommy, the sun is following me!”

Why yes, son, the sun is following you. It’s overhead. With that simple proclamation, our sweet boy solidified his status as a ginger, as if it’s ever been in question. Ever.

// We caught him scratching his bits, and asked him whether he needed to go potty: “No, I just have a mom itch.”

Wait. What? I’m offended. And confused. For the record – we asked him to repeat it, and he did, but he couldn’t explain it.

// While driving the boys to school one morning: “I’m a big boy, Mommy. And you’re a big big big big big big big big BIG Mommy.”

Bud, I think you put a few too many “bigs” in there for this to be even remotely sweet or flattering. Can we reevaluate this?

// We explained that baby M is in my belly, and he had a lot of questions and concerns: ” You have a baby in your belly? What the heck? How’s she gonna get out? You gonna poop her out, Mommy?”

Something like that, buddy. We proceeded to tell him in not-so-graphic terms that, no, mommy wouldn’t “poop” the baby out, but our explanation led to…

// Our explanation of childbirth backfired: “Okay, when Sugarbaby comes, I’m gonna pull her out realllllly hard. Like, I’m gonna grab her leg and pull.”

#nope. Not happening, but thanks!

For those who’ve asked about previous versions of Sh*t Spencer Says, yes, I actually do keep a running list in my phone’s notes of the things he says when he says them. Some of them are so ridiculous that I just have to save them for posterity. And, of course, since Ryan’s gone for the foreseeable future, I want to make sure to have them written and logged so he can see them when he has the time. If you’ve missed the last versions, you can view them here:

Sh*t Spencer Says: Volume One

Sh*t Spencer Says: Volume Two

Sh*t Spencer Says: Volume Three