packing, potty training & processing deployment

Now, if that’s not a killer way to draw you into a fantastic post, I don’t know what is? Mamas, potty training is a beast. Do you feel me? Ryan and I made the somewhat special decision to start potty training Porter right before he deployed, and I’ve wanted to kick myself a few times since he left. While Porter is nearly completely trained with number one, number two is an absolute nightmare, and I’ve had to hold myself in check plenty of times, if only to maintain my sanity and preserve my integrity as a parent. Though I’ve wanted to jump ship a number of times though, I’ve stuck with it, and I can honestly say we’re about 87% potty trained over here, so I’ll take it! And yes, potty training consumes a large portion of our weekend, so it was worth jumping right on into the nitty-gritty of life in the Moore household.

Packing is well underway here, too, thanks to wonderful neighbors generously gifting us their boxes (because, seriously, is there anything better than free moving boxes and packing paper?!) and Cheryl graciously offering us half her Sunday to pack and get things under control. The house basically looks like a post-apocalyptic war zone, but I can comfortably say we’re about 40% packed with about four weeks until we turn over the keys to our landlords. I’m so grateful for wonderful friends and family constantly at our beck and call. Even without a call, they offer, and they show up – whether requested or not. I’m tremendously grateful, and I’m consistently reminded how blessed we are.

This weekend has also been challenging though because, as I know I’ve mentioned before, we all process deployment differently. The last time Ryan left on rotation, Spencer was only two years old. His toddler logic processed the deployment simply; he believed Daddy lived at Daddy’s house and that eventually he’d come back. This time, Spencer’s four, and he kind of gets it, but at the end of the day, he really doesn’t. He’s angry. He’s sad. He’s frustrated, and I know his little heart hurts because he’ll ask why Daddy left, and when I explain that Daddy’s a soldier and that he’s keeping us safe, he seems dissatisfied.

Moreover, Spencer’s been struggling with night terrors, which is clearly the physical manifestation of his inability to truly process this deployment. The only thing I’ve been able to do is lie with him until he settles, and without fail, he does within about 30 minutes. He can’t explain to me in the morning what’s wrong, and his rationale during the terrors is less than plausible, so I know he’s not really awake per se. We’re working through it, and I can only hope and pray that his discomfort wanes over time.

Deployment is hard on us in different ways. For Ryan, it’s very obviously the separation. For me, it’s the lack of my partner and best friend. For Porter, it’s missing his funny Daddy whom he loves so much. For Spencer, it’s pure and utter confusion, and until we truly find our new normal, we’ll likely be in a state of flux. So, as the days keep ticking and we slowly welcome this new and chaotic “normal” into our lives, we simply do our best to stay the course. We got to swim lessons. We go to the dog park. We leave silly messages for Daddy on Marco Polo, and we have fun. Is it hard? Yes. Very. But I know my boys are going to be so resilient from these challenges, and for that I’m grateful.