It’s been a week here in the Moore household, and I can hardly believe we’re two weeks into this deployment. It’s been a doozy, though I’ll admit I feel as though I was slightly more prepared going in this time than I was last time. I think I was prepared for Murphy to bite us in the butt, and perhaps it’s the fact that we’re so close to adding another little Moore bean to the mix, but I finally sort of feel like I maybe get this motherhood thing. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s downright exhausting 99% of the time. But it’s also so fleeting, and it struck me this week how quickly it all flies.
On Wednesday evening, I put the boys to bed and went to check on them before I fell asleep – just like usual. I felt Porter’s forehead, and he was burning up. Normally, my instinct would be panic, mild annoyance at the inconvenience of it all, and then some inward wallowing. This time, however, I picked my feverish little boy up, embraced the fact that he would be spending the next day at home with me, and relishing this little bit of one-on-one time. Was he miserable most of the day? Yes. But he was also snuggly, sweet, and I got to relish in that little motherhood moment as I snuggled my boy all day whilst working.
The same goes for Spencer these days. I feel like time is flying so fast. By the time Ryan returns from this deployment, Spencer will be nearly five. How did we get here? This little boy is strong, and resilient, and smart. And goodness gracious…he’s handsome. But he’s also growing too fast, and I wish time would slow down. It all feels so fleeting, and as I dropped him off at school yesterday and watched him graciously share his favorite toy with his friends, it tugged at the old heartstrings. One day, I won’t have this role in his life anymore.
Motherhood is trying. It’s exhausting. It’s near-constant worry, self-doubt and, at times, lamentations of a life that once was. It’s also such a privilege though, and I’m so grateful to have this role in my boys’ lives. Being a mama is the very best job – the very hardest – but also the very best. Deployment sucks in almost every way, shape, and form, but it’s definitely made me appreciate my strength as a mother and my role in these boys’ lives.
I can only hope that these little men know how much their mama loves them!
